Old Man Sketch

It’s about 1am right now, and instead of sleeping I’m thinking about all the things I want to accomplish, and what I need to do to get there.

While I’m currently really happy with my day-to-day life: I enjoy the things I’m working on each day, I’m constantly learning new skills, I’m pushing myself past my comfort barrier–I’m always craving more.

More skills, more connections, more victories, more struggles, more achievements–more everything. Unfortunately, when I think about these things (which I do quite often), I can’t help but feel a bit guilty.

Internally, there’s always a debate that takes place. One side of me says “You’re happy with what you’re currently doing. Don’t constantly focus on always doing bigger, better things! Be content with yourself now!” While the other side says “Go big! Don’t settle for your current situation. Be happy with yourself, but push yourself outside your limits, and don’t yield!”

It’s a struggle.

On one hand, I can see myself easily “going with the flow” and learning to be content with myself. On the other hand–I don’t want to give up my huge ambitions without a fight.

Is this normal? Does everyone feel this way?

While both sides of the spectrum appeal to me, I must admit I’m quite a bit more fond of the all-or-nothing approach. The idea of struggling through the pain, sacrifice, and discipline of working towards my ambitions seems somewhat romantic.

It’s a fork in the road–but I suppose everyone has to choose at one point or another.